Long Live Longmire Short Stories
by TheGodmother2
Summary: Prequel to Long Live Longmire ...as told through a compilation of short stories of how Walt and Vic become a family.#LongLiveLongmire
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The prequel to Long Live Longmire and how Walt and Vic came to be. The time frame is about 6 months to a year after _Ashes to Ashes_ and Walt is deciding to move on with his life. In the context of this overall story, it is the prequel to their courtship. As always your reviews and messages are welcome as we go through this journey together. #LongLiveLongmire**

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><p>I can't be half way with her. I imagine her loving me, the feel of her skin, the tastes of her kisses, the taste of her. I often stop myself from looking at her because I will give myself away but at other times I want to connect. I want to tell her with my eyes, all the things, all the desires, all the hope I have for us.<p>

Vic will demand my full attention. She will demand all of me and I want to give her my all so I am getting ready. Vic has only known me as a broken man, a fractured man, a healing man. I want to be whole and I want all of her.

The thought that she may want me, some small part of me is thrilling but also worried about the very real prospect that I will be a disappointment. I feel that because I feel that about her. How strange it may seem to live with a fantasy, a desire for so long, and finally acknowledging it to myself sets her up to fail. I realize that and I also have the advantage of living long enough to realize that may be very true for her too. Of course, that is assuming she is interested.

Pulling out the floor mats and leaning under the seat checking for debris I can only guess what I may find. There's not much there, partly because I don't really eat in the Bronco and partly because I'm not quite that far gone. I gotta start somewhere, that's what I decided this morning, and thinking about cleaning my cabin, well let's face it, it's dirty, and it was too much to fathom all at once but the Bronco, yeah I can start there. So far I've emptied the glove box and the center storage compartment. I hadn't planned on having a near emotional breakdown while clearing out the compartment but I reached in an pulled out the spool of fishing line. The fishing line that saved Branch's life. That and the hook. If I looked hard enough I could see his blood still on the line wrapped in a tight circle in between the spooled line. I had a choice, keep it as a reminder of the past, the pain, the hurt, the betrayals or throw it away. How did the spool of polyester wire become a metaphor for my life? I don't know how but it I know it is and the choice is mine and only mine just as it is my choice in my life.

I stop, hold the spool in my hand, and look down remembering all the blood. I need a beer. It's Sunday, and I have a couple of six packs in the fridge, ready for football. I break open a Rainer and its gone in three long gulps. Just like coffee the first one is always the best, period, no exceptions. I break open a second and flip on the television searching for any football game. Just the noise will comfort me. Even the annoying sound of Joe Buck's voice is tolerable. That's how bad I feel.

Stepping out on the porch, eying the sparkling clean waxed Bullet, I have a seat and wipe the cold residue of the beer off of my lips with my t-shirt shoulder sleeve. The spool still in my hand. It took the longest getting the years of blood and body fluid out of the back of the Bullet. The tailgate held secrets and witnessed dying declarations. The Native blankets are spinning in the dryer with the hope that fresh scents will erase the horrors of death that have been washed away from their bold colors.

I realize that this is where I mess it up for myself and those that love me because I can't talk about what I think and more importantly what I feel about this. I do feel. I feel deeply and it causes me trouble when I can't contain it, when I can't help keep it from bubbling up and spilling over the side and seeping out of my pores. The only good part, if there's a good, is that I always destroy furniture and not people although those I care about are collateral damage. I get it and I'm trying to fix it by cleaning out the Bronco.

This is going to take forever, I think, but I have to do it because I decided I want to live and I want to get my shit together for not just her but for me. I want to be the best me so I can have the best her. She is the one person that would understand if I could ever get to the point to talk to her. The beer teeters between my thumb and my index finger. It hangs just inside my knee. The black spool rotates in my other hand and I allow my mind to drift envisioning Vic sitting next to me staring into the vast space in front of us. The unexpected whiff of her perfume. I don't know what she wears but I think it's Polo Sport for women. I only guess because I caught myself smelling the tabbed samples in magazines. You know how they perfume the entire magazine. It was during one of my many trips to the hospital and I found myself flipping through a nameless tattered periodical. The remaining scent smelled a little like Vic but without Vic mixed in. That whiff led me to the perfume counter at Macy's in Sheridan. The gift box set and an Eagles baseball cap are her Christmas gifts this year. I figured those were safe office gifts that wouldn't give away the fact that I routinely stand downwind so I can smell her or that I pray she walks by me quickly because it lingers just a bit once she is gone from my sight. To be safe, I got the Ferg a safety razor and Ruby, Chanel No. 5.

I set the fishing line down on the step and get back to scrubbing the floor mats and finish detailing the inside of the Bullet. There were still small spots of white war paint on the dash. They are gone now. All the pain, disappointments, and lost opportunities have been cleaned away. I pull the blankets from the dryer, fold them neatly, and put them back in their rightful place.

This is the first step, I reassure myself, the first step is the hardest. My brain gets it, my heart gets it, although reluctantly for fear, and now my body is compliant. I walk back to the porch with my empty in my hand and stoop to pick up the spool. They both get tossed in the outside trash. I slam the lid down, firmly, to make sure it stays and in a way to prove to the spool and to myself that I mean business.

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><p><strong>Thanks HLL for the suggestion that these be stand alone stories under a separate title.<strong>


	2. Steps - Chapter 2

The phone rings and I grab it on the third ring, "Hey, Walt." My heart stops at the sound of her voice. Hearing her in my ear is so unexpected and it feels like she just caught me thinking about my wildest sexual fantasy but then again all of my fantasies of her are, well pretty much wild, but somehow I think she would find them pedestrian.

"Sorry to bother you on your only day off but we have a dead body."

My mind is still tracking back from the surprise of her voice and the obvious blush on my face making me thankful no one is here to witness the juvenile reaction of my body. The pause is long enough for her to add, "It's a real body not a member of the wildlife community."

"Where are you?"

"Behind Mike's Muffler Shop. It's not Mike."

"I'm on my way."

"No, Walt. I can handle it but I thought you should know that we have a homicide investigation. You know, as Sheriff, I don't want you to be caught by surprise when you come in tomorrow morning."

"Thanks, Vic….ah…I'm not doing much anyway…so ah..I'll lend you hand."

"Ok" she pauses, "I really could use a hand."

I hang up before she rethinks it. The truth is I want to see her, spend time with her; I always have time for Vic and clearly a murder to solve. I think what in the world is happening to my county?

I jump in the shower, throw on fresh clothes and am out the door in 10 minutes. Somewhere between the second and third minute I realize that I don't want Vic to see me dirty and out of sorts from purging the Bronco from it's past. The hot water cleanses my flesh from the past and it circles down the drain. I know I care about what she thinks and about what she sees when she looks at me. It's true, has been for a while, so I might as well admit it.

When I went to Macy's I bought a couple pairs of 501's and a few shirts but I decide not to wear new clothes to a homicide scene. One step at a time I remind myself.

A quick brush for my teeth, grab a bottle of water, and I'm gone. I stop and get two cups of coffee and two sandwiches. I pull up to Mike's and see Vic crouched down by the body. She looks up and flashes a quick smile, so quick, I almost think I imagined it but I'm pretty sure I didn't and by impulse I smile back and my hand hesitantly waves down by my pocket. I feel stupid, with the wave, and silently chastise myself for doing it.

The last time I saw Vic this engrossed was nearly a year ago when she was going through David Ridges car on the bridge. She found the key evidence that broke the case wide open by proving Ridges alive and put all roads in the right direction. I sped through town and practically ran to her that afternoon. Armed with the knowledge that Sean wanted a divorce, and being the son-of-a-bitch that had to tell her, I was also overwhelmingly compelled to shield her, protect her, from any more harm. I was acting like a man in love because I was but I didn't know it. She smelled good that day just like she does today when she stands up and walks over to me.

"Sorry, to ruin your Sunday, Walt."

"It's no bother. Just watching the game."

"Oh what quarter was it when you left."

"Broncos losing 12 to 20 in the 4th quarter."

"Oh Walt, if you had a cell phone you would know they tied it with 18 seconds left and the game is in overtime."

I laugh at her because she's pulling my leg. Vic's deliciously devilish grin widens and she says, "No, Walt" then she touches my arm and I can feel the warmth through my long sleeve and my jacket, "I'm not joking. See." She steps into me and now she's touching me and I feel the heat rise from my thighs and up through my chest and I can feel a bead of sweat on my brow.

She holds up her smartphone and pushes a button and shows me the score. "Walt, this is called an app. It's short for application. It shows the latest scores and all of the Red Zone action."

My face goes white but I'm hot. I don't understand what is happening to my 48 year old body.

She looks up at me, her ear is just touching my jacket and her gun holster is pressed against my hip. Yup, she's touching me and the Broncos may win this super bowl rematch. "You would know all of this if you would just break down and get a phone."

If I got a phone would you call me Vic and spend endless hours just talking to me, calming me, loving me, with the sound of your voice? Instead, I hear my teeth smack, and my head nod, "What do we got?" pointing to the rigor setting body.

"White male, about 35 years old, doesn't look homeless, he's well groomed. No i.d., no watch, no jewelry, so maybe a robbery gone wrong? Except this isn't Philly it's Durant, Walt. It seems really strange this would happen here?"

Not as strange as you staying here after Sean left with signed divorce papers in hand never looking back. Why did you stay, Vic?

"Hmmmm", I kneel down beside him and don't recognize him.

"We got ourselves a whodunit." In my haste to see her I left her coffee and sandwich in the cab. "Oh, ah...hey...there's a sandwich and a coffee for you in the Bronco. I figured you may be hungry." I try to smile.

"Thanks, Walt. I could use the coffee." She steps over to the Bronco and yells over, "Are the sandwiches both the same?"

"Yup"

"Holy bat shit batman, look at your fucking ride. Walt, it's so clean. Damn, it looks new in here." She looks over at me in amazement and I try to stare out our dead guy because I don't want to be embarrassed but I am thrilled that she noticed and even more thrilled that she was excited enough to let out a string of expletives.

She has a half a sandwich being held by her full lips and the other half still wrapped in paper. She hands me the wrapped half as she sips her coffee.

"How long did that take you to clean or did you get it done."

"Nope, I did it."

"Dang, Walt, didn't know you had it in you. The Bullet looks good." She smiles at me while the steam from the coffee blows up and over her face. Lucky steam.

"Sandwich, ok?" I ask because I really want to know and reaffirm that I am able to please her even if in this small way.

"Yeah, it's good. I love Dorothy's chicken salad. Good call."

I nod thinking that I never thought about chicken salad but I notice everything about her including how she orders chicken salad every Tuesday and she salts her green salad and puts way to much sugar in her coffee. How long have I noticed these things about her? How long have I loved her?


	3. Steps - Chapter 3

Vic's phone buzzes and she furiously punches buttons, "Fuck me. Walt!"

"What?" I look up at her.

"You are gonna hate me."

"Why?"

"The game went into overtime and Seattle scored a touchdown ending the game 26 to 20. I'm so sorry you missed the overtime game."

I stare at her contemplating the opportunity that is presenting itself. I know I'm serious about moving on and two days ago if I told her she owed me I would be thinking a cup of coffee or maybe lunch but if I said that now I would still say coffee or lunch but I would be thinking a date. I didn't expect a dilemma to present itself but I didn't expect an overtime game, either.

Vic offers, "Look, I love football just as much as the next guy and if it were the Eagles I would be fucking livid. So thanks for not being a dick about it. I'll take you out next Sunday for wings and beers. It's the least I can do because," she kneels down next to me, putting on her latex gloves, and looks straight at me, "I do feel like shit for calling you."

She smells good. She handled it for me and I didn't say a word. How does she do that? Vic starts collecting potential evidence and recording it in her log book. My stomach aches and I think that maybe I should really eat the half of sandwich she shared with me but then I'm afraid it will come up. The time is perfect, I tell myself, "Hey, Vic, ah…how about we do wings and beer tomorrow…ah Broncs have a bye next week."

"Oh shit, that's right and honestly Walt, my boys play the 49ers and the last thing I need is some fly by night 49ers bandwagon fan to disrupt my concentration with their bullshit. That's a game better suited in the confines of my house where I can curse in peace." I smile thinking of her string of foul verbs.

"Yeah, tomorrow sounds good, as long as you're good with the Bears and Jets."

"You have the whole schedule memorized?"

"Duh, no, if I did I would have known the Broncs were on a bye next week."

"Ah, right." I'm relieved but I also know she is not thinking it's a date but spending time with her is good. It's a very good thing I tell myself.

"Ok, let's roll him." I notice my bark isn't as sharp as normal. We roll John Doe.

"There's the entry wound." Vic points to his lower abdomen.

"Walt, did you see an exit wound on his back?"

"Nope, but I'm wondering if he was stabbed?" I look up checking for security cameras and open windows. Maybe someone or something saw this. "And there's no pooling of blood. He was killed somewhere else and dumped here."

"Who is this fuckin' guy?"

"Dunno. Just know he's not from Durant."

"Ok, well I got his prints on print cards before you got here. I can take them down to have them run or do…." I cut her off, "You handle the print cards and I will get him over to the morgue and hope Doc Bloomfield and get him first in line."

"ok, it's a shame to put him in the back of that beautiful Bronco."

"Well, at least his last ride will be a nice one."

"That's for sure."

"Hey you gonna eat that other sandwich?"

"You can have it."

"Thanks, Walt. You're a life saver." She pats my arm as she thanks me and I think no Vic you're the one that's a life saver and while you're at it can you touch me in a million other place, please, pretty please.

She walks off toward the Bronco, snags the sandwich, and drops it in her truck. She walks back toward me, "Hey I'll grab his feet and we can get him in there easier."

"Let me back up"

"That's why you're the Sheriff. You're so smart." She's half sarcastic and half serious. I love that about her.

We get Mr. Doe in the back of the Bronco.

Vic walks off and I am left in a very soft cloud of Polo Sport for Women, at least I hope that's what it is, but whatever it is it smells good because it's mixed with her.

"See you back at the station?"

"Yup"

I introduce Mr. Doe to Doc Bloomfield. The Doc promises to put him first in line and then asks about Vic. His line of questioning is casual but I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy. I know that Vic is probably the most eligible woman in the county. She is divorced, no kids, homeowner, decidedly beautiful, loves guns, football and is smart. As I put the string together in my head, I wonder what in the world has taken me so long and the next question becomes why she is still single?

My ego hopes she is just as caught as I am but she doesn't give me any clues either way except the fact that she is still here. Still in Durant.

Doc, call me at the station when you find out the cause of death and the official ruling.

"Will do, Sheriff and please send my best to your lovely deputy."

I keep walking and head back to the alley behind Mike's Muffler shop. I walk the alley again and again looking for a clue any clue. I stop, hands on my hips, and think turning my back on the alley. The bank is across the alley. That will be my first stop in the morning. Banks, all of them have cameras, even in little bitty Durant.

I pull the Bullet to the back of the station and hose down the back. I sanitize it with clean cloths and bring it back to its sparkle clean. While I am drying the rear tailgate I think of how this will become a part of my newness, my rebirth, cleaning the dead and with it the pain. Mr. Doe isn't forgotten. I make my silent vow to find out what happened and to bring justice to his fleeting life but keeping the pain in a permanent space is no longer a part of the routine. I have to have room to love. The pain will have to be temporary, a holding pattern from now on, the love, well now the love has to be a permanent fixture. I want that for me and I want that for her and I know it's because I love her. I love her, completely.


	4. Steps - Chapter 4

My boots hit the steps particularly loudly or maybe because the station is empty that my steps seem louder. I stop and pause at the empty desks and think of how at any given time over the past 4 years I have isolated one or all of those that occupy these desks by keeping them shut completely out of my heart, my thoughts, and my pain. Only Vic was able to tear down the impenetrable walls that I had put up keeping the world out. She blew them up, forged in, made herself welcome and never retreated and she did it without any resistance from me.

When she asked me about Martha and I told her the truth, a part of me wanted to ask her what took her so long and the other part of me wanted to thank her for relieving me of the burden of a secret. A horrible secret. After everything was done, all debts paid, justice dispensed, Vic was the one waiting for me. I didn't keep any of the truth from her during our private moments. As much as I can wish they were romantic, they weren't, and I wasn't ready for it even if they were. Now, now is a different story, I crave private moments with her but there are none just the routineness of police work.

I settle behind my desk and start the paperwork for Mr. Doe. I could wait until tomorrow but I would rather get a head start and with any luck Vic will stop by the station tonight on her way home. Time ticks by and I finish what I can tonight. Vic must have gone home and I do the same.

When I plow into bed, I think that next Sunday, I have to start working on the cabin. It will be my next step.

I decide to wear my new 501's the next day. They shrunk pretty well and they fit. I don't overdo it with a new shirt because quite frankly I hope no one notices the changes I'm making but that I can move at a slow and subtle pace. The comfort level for all involved will benefit from slow and steady. Besides, later tonight, over wings and beer, I think I will feel a little better about myself and about my situation in my new jeans and wearing my old shirt. Something new and something old. Good match.

I get in early but not too early to beat both Ruby and Vic.

"Good morning, Walter."

"Ruby", I nod in her direction.

"Sorry about your Broncos. Uh."

"I heard."

I nod at Vic acknowledging her presence.

"I sorta ruined it for him Ruby." She says out loud with her chin buried in her palm pouring over a stack of papers on her desk. Vic looks up and over toward Ruby, "I called him during the 4th quarter before they tied the game."

"Vic, you didn't, you of all people!."

"I know!."

I stand in the middle of the room like a mannequin while the two women have a conversation around me like I don't exist.

"It's ok, I'm taking him for wings and beers tonight, so he won't hate me."

"That's good." Ruby pauses "It'll do both of you good to go out."

It's instant. I mean instant, my face flushes, my pulse races and I am sure Ruby knows. She just fronted me out in front of Vic of whom I am certain is not considering this a date or going out because if she had she never ever would have casually mentioned it to Ruby. I head for my office and don't dare look in Vic's direction. I close the door behind me.

Before I can make it to my chair, I hear a door knock, and the door opening. Why do they bother knocking? I turn and Ruby comes in with a few post-its running down the messages left on Sunday.

"Walter, are you ok? You look a little peaked?"

I slap my hand on my leg, "Yup, I'm fine Ruby, thanks."

"Ok" she turns to walk out, "Nice jeans about time you bought some new ones that fit."

She closes the door and I decide my goose is cooked. If she notices than I'm sure Vic does and what's the point?

Another knock and the door opens, Vic steps in, and rambles about finally getting the AFIS hit on Mr. Doe. She walks behind my desk and stands next to me, close next to me, the majority of her weight shifted to one hip, her belt buckle just below my eyes which are lined up with what I would presume to be her belly button. I wonder if she as an inny or an outty? I hope an inny. Is it pierced? She seems like she would go for that. Why am I thinking this? Get back on track, man.

She drops the print card on my desk, "His name is Peter Mulligan by way of Chicago but more recently a temporary resident of the Cumberland County Jail. It seems he was arrested for possessing more than one identification card but he was cited and released. Sometime between him being cited out on Saturday night and being discovered in the alley yesterday he got himself killed."

I pick up the card and thump it with my free hand. I decide to stand before my mind goes off the rails, again. I move around Vic and grab my coat.

"Breakfast?"

"Sure, I think better on a full stomach anyway."

Dorothy brings us two specials, today it's biscuits and gravy, since it's Monday during football season. She says it sops up all the beer from yesterday and the grease coats the stomach for Monday night.

Vic takes a bite and closes her eyes, "Man this is so good. I have to put in two extra miles every Tuesday for this." She smiles and I smile back.

"Seems to be working….ahhh..the extra miles."

"Surprised you noticed."

I don't know if she is just flirting the way she does, with well, everyone of if she is flirting with me. Does she know that I notice everything?

Half-way through her biscuits, "Oh Walt, can I take a rain check on tonight?"

I force my face to hide the disappointment I feel but I half expected it not to work out because of the case.

"Sure, but I can help with the work on the case."

"It's not that. It's embarrassing but I actually forgot I had a date tonight when I suggested we could do wings and beer tonight. You know after we changed it from Sunday? Would you be ok if we did it the Sunday after next?"

My stomach drops to my knees. A date? I can feel my face frown and I try to put it back to its normal stoic expression. "Sure, Vic, it's …ah..just wings and beer…you know." I try to put another bite of food in my mouth but I just can't. "Who …ummm…who are you going out with?"

She flashes me a look that burns, "It's none of my business, Vic. I'm sorry I asked."

I get up and put my money on the table and walk out stopping on the sidewalk. I look down the street taking in my town. All the things I'm trying to fix just blew up inside and I can feel the underlying rage begin to boil. The rage of lost opportunity, the rage of hatred, the hatred that kept me from honoring my wife, the hatred that didn't allow the love we shared to help me heal after losing her. Of course, I want Vic to be happy, I'm not mad at her.

She bumps my arm when she walks out and looks up at me, her arms folded across her chest, with her I hate Wyoming look, "Hey, you're not mad are you?"

"No, Vic. Why would I be mad?"

"I don't know, Walt but you just got up and left me without saying a word. I'm used you being fucking stoic and shit but I am sorry. I feel like I let you down two days in a row. That's not how friends treat friends."

"Hey, why don't you knock off early, tonight. Go have a really great time, ok."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup"

I start walking toward the bank that should have opened two minutes ago.

"Walt, where you going?"

"To the bank. Cameras."

She starts to jog and catch up but I turn around walking backwards down the sidewalk, "I got it Vic. I will see you back at the station." I turn and stretch my legs to put distance between us as I try to figure out why my heart won't do anything my mind is telling it to do.


	5. Steps - Chapter 5

I spend some extra time at the bank recollecting my thoughts, bringing my intensity to the investigation where it belongs. Fortunately, Horace, the bank manager, was able to bring up the DVR and their external cameras do in fact record the side of the bank.

"Sheriff, if you can come back in an hour I will have the recordings ready."

"Sounds good, Horace. Thank you." I nod my head in appreciation.

I take a deep breath and walk back to the station. Walking past Vic, she looks up and gives me a full smile like she's happy to see me. When she does stuff like that, smile all big and bright, that's when I feel confident that she feels the way I do. That there are possibilities for us but if that's the case then why is she dating someone else? I mean besides the fact that she is single. I certainly don't give her any encouragement. The corners of my mouth curl up just a bit because I don't want her to think I am mad at her because I'm not I'm mad at myself. I deposit my coat and hat in my office. Only when I breathe in do I realize that I was holding my breath.

"Hey Walt, you got a sec?"

I always have time for you Vic. I want to spend every waking moment with you. "Yeah, sure."

She closes the door behind her and I have nowhere to go, no path of escape. She leans against the door with her hands pressed against the small of her back. Her posture is anything but defensive.

"Walt, are you ok?" Her voice is soft and warm like honey. I think of honey and how sweet she is; the sweetness I get to see.

"Yup."

"You don't seem ok."

"I'm fine." My lips tighten, my hands fall on my hips, my classic defensive pose and if she stays in here for two more minutes, I'm going to confess but I'm not ready for that quite, yet.

Vic stares at me but doesn't move, "Ok, Walt." It's a question more than a statement.

My face is solemn. She turns to open the door, "The DVD will be ready from the bank in about an hour."

Her pretty brown eyes flash at me, "I can pick it up."

"I got it. Just letting you know."

"I'll have time to go through it before I leave." There's the rage again. "Are you still ok if I leave early?" Keep it together Walt.

"Yup"

"I'm thinking maybe 1500?" Her lips curl up as if she's asking for an extra dessert.

I throw my hand up to acknowledge her request because I can't speak. I can't tell her that I want her to myself. I want her to be mine.

The hour rolls around, I pick up the DVD, and pray the day speeds away.

Vic joins me in my office when I fire up the DVD, she steps around behind me. She's close but not too close. I concentrate on the screen and not on the fact that she is behind me, nearly touching me, and that she will be out with another man in just a few hours. The tape captures the quietness of small town Durant which loosely translates into there's nothing on the tape.

"I guess we will just have to let it play."

"Beautiful downtown Durant. It will take hours, Walt, here let's speed it up."

She reaches down and takes the remote out of my hand, she's gentle about it and her fingers feel smooth on my hand, I restrain my pinkie from lacing around her thumb and taking her hand in mine just to hold it if only for a while. I hand over the remote instead and get up making my way to my desk.

I can't sit this close to her, not right now; my desk serves as my solid moat and protects me from my insecurities. "You want me to grab lunch?" she offers.

"Not afraid you're going to ruin your appetite for later?" I try to say what a friend would say but it doesn't come out right.

"Walt, can I ask you something?" She says it like she means it.

I look up at her and invite her question with my silence.

"How come you never asked me out?"

My face goes blank and the sweat starts, it starts all over my body, I can't control it. I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand.

"Umm" It's all I can manage while I try to figure out what to say. I am completely surprised by the question.

"Vic, we work together." Ok, it's the truth and it is part of the reason I never asked her out.

She looks at me, waiting for more, not satisfied with my answer.

"We work together? That's why?"

"It's complicated."

"So you have thought about it?"

Do I tell her it's all I think about? "Why are you asking me these questions, Vic?"

She walks over to the side of my desk. Peering down, arms crossed, hip jutted out, I've seen this look before it's the one that says she's not going to take anything but the truth.

"You need to make up your mind, Walt."

"Make up my mind?" Hopefully the sweat isn't coming through my shirt.

"Yeah, you need to make up your mind how you feel about me. "

"Vic, what are you talking about. You, ah, you are my deputy but you're my friend, too."

"Friend, yes, but that doesn't mean you can act like a jealous boyfriend, Walt. I do have a life, you know."

"I know, Vic. I…ah…" If I could find my trash can I'm pretty sure I would throw up right about now.

Vic steps closer and my hands spread across my desk to increase my barrier.

"I need to move on with my life, Walt."

I'm pretty sure all of the color is gone from my face, "Ah" I know that later I will replay this conversation in my head a million times but for right now I can't give her what she needs, what she deserves.

"So, you're gonna do a repeat of the nothing to say show?"

I look up at her, "Vic." She turns around. "Have a good time tonight." I pick up the remote control Vic left on my desk and press play. I know what I need to be for us to stand a chance and I'm not there, yet. I have to let her go.


	6. Steps - Chapter 6

**Tomorrow. Tweet or Facebook #LongLiveLongmire 8pm EST/5pm PST. We need a new network people!**

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><p>Bury it. That's what I do so well and that is exactly what I shouldn't do but it's my go to play. Stuff it deep down inside and forge ahead with the murder of Mr. Peter Mulligan. I sit through the entire DVD, all 9 hours' worth, but it takes half the time with the fast forward button. I come up with the money shot the last 5 minutes of the recording.<p>

A burgundy 4-door sedan pushes Mulligan out of the passenger side of the car and then a man I don't recognize gets out of the sedan and pulls Mulligan to the side of the alley. The recording has great quality it's just so damn far away and I can't make out the plate of the car or a real clear description of my suspect. I can only tell that he's white male with blonde or white hair and that he was wearing a checked plaid shirt and jeans. That could be anybody, or nearly anybody, within my county limits.

The car. I need to start with the car. I don't recognize the car and it could be a Ford or a Mercury. I hear the Ferg coming up the stairs and I step out of my office to meet him.

"Hey, Sheriff, what are you doing here so late?"

"Just finishing the DVD from the bank surveillance tape."

"Oh, I could have done that. I get through a lot on the night shift."

I remember my temper tantrum and my makeshift version of creating new office furniture and I have really tried since then to bring Ferg into the fold. I keep that in mind as I ask Ferg to take a look at the DVD.

"Ferg, is that a Ford or a Mercury"

Ferg moves closer to the screen, you know how people do, like the picture will get bigger or something. I bet he pushes the elevator button about 25 times thinking it will make the elevator come sooner.

"Walt, that's a 1975 Ford Granada"

"You sure?" He said it with such confidence. Usually, the Ferg is only this confident about lures.

"Yeah, the Mercury had detailed chrome grille guards around the front turn signal lights of the Monarch but the Ford didn't have any grille guards. I can't tell if the chrome letters of the make are on the hood but they should be. It will either say Ford or Mercury."

I give Ferg a slight smile because I'm proud of him, "You know anybody with a car like that?"

He shakes his head as his eyes search his memory, "No, no I don't. I don't recognize it from being around here."

"Ok" I pause, "Tonight why don't you start a vehicle search for the make and model start locally and then broaden your search."

Ferg is fired up, glad to be included, "You got it, Walt."

He turns to walk out of the office and just makes it to his desk with the phone rings. I eject the disc while Ferg answers the phone. I can hear him talking but it doesn't sound too important.

"Hey, Walt, I gotta run an errand. I will be back and do that follow-up for you."

"Where are you going?"

He looks at me like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. His eyes grow bigger, and he fumbles for his words, which makes me step closer to him.

"Ah, Walt, that was Vic on the phone. She asked me to come get her."

"Why?"

"Well, I didn't really ask, she sounded really upset."

Everything tightens in my body. "Where is she?"

"Walt, she called me she didn't call you." His chest puffs up. Ferg is finding his voice and standing strong.

"Ferg you have 3 seconds to tell me where she is and this is, one." My index finger shoots straight up.

"She's at the Stinky Rose just outside of Sheridan." He says it quick.

I grab my hat and coat and turn towards Ferg with an confused expression.

"Stinky Rose?"

"Yeah, it's a steak restaurant with a cigar bar in back. Nice collection of international wine choices but they specialize in the Napa Valley region."

Ok, there's a lot about Ferg I don't know but I will save that for another time.

I blow past him and head through my office door. "Radio me the address, Ferg."

"Yes, sir." I keep walking, "Sheriff, please tell Vic I'm sorry. She is going to be so pissed at me."

I ignore him and my feet propel me down the stairs and into the Bullet.

The moon is bright tonight, the roads are clear, and for the first time in years I turn on the radio and listen to the last quarter of the Monday Night Football game. I'm clearly aware of this change and I know it's because I'm trying to calm down the overprotective jealous boyfriend rage as Vic would call it. It's much more than that of course, I am really protective of her and I know she can handle herself which means if she is calling Ferg for help she needs it.

Ferg radios the address and he gives me the major intersection which means I can find it. I make the 40 minute trip in 25 because I'm hauling ass. I slow just before the restaurant and spot Vic standing just outside of the entrance under the street light, there's a well-dressed man standing next to her with his hands in his pockets. She is wearing a black dress. It's simple but it's beautiful and so is she. I don't recognize the guy.

I stop about 30 feet away. I don't bother turning off the Bronco. This is a rescue mission. I walk up like I mean it and Vic sees me, I look for disappointment, but I don't see it. I see relief. I swear I see love.

"Vic"

"Thank you, Walt"

She's walking toward me, her purse in her hand and her phone in the other.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," Sheepishly. I stop her and touch her arm, looking in her eyes to confirm she is ok. You should be with me eating wings that are too hot and drinking Rainer on tap. You will always be safe with me. I'm sorry I'm not where I need to be for you but I'm getting there much faster than I thought, Vic. I want to say all of that to her and more instead I ask, "Is that guy your date?" My thumb sticks out pointing to him.

"Was"

I pull her around behind me.

"Walt."

It's too late. I'm on my way over to him.

"Let me guess, you're Walt."

He's about 40 years old, a good looking guy with a tan, and he's tall but still shorter than me. He actually puts his hand out for a handshake. I shake his hand.

He looks me in the eye, "Dave Sandoval. I don't want any trouble. I just want to meet the man she's in love with."

"What?" I'm too ready to fight to have a sincerely emotional reaction.

"We got in a fight about you." He points at me and his finger lands on my chest, but it's a gentle land, he's not aggressive at all.

"Take care of her, Walt." He walks off towards the parking lot.

I turn and Vic is inside the Bullet and I'm standing underneath the street light looking like a guy who just stuck his finger in an electric socket.


	7. Steps - Chapter 7

**Stampede tonight (Wednesday, September 24, 2014 at 8pm est/5pm pst Tweet #LongLiveLongmire**

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><p>I take a breath, hang my head and watch my feet step toward the Bronco. I have about 10 seconds to figure out which tact to take. Once inside the Bullet, I put her in gear, flip a u-turn, and head for home.<p>

I wonder if she would dress like this for me, would I have to ask her too or would she just do it, she is much more beautiful than I ever imagined in my dreams.

One thing I know without another word is that she is tired. She is tired of waiting on me but not tired enough to give up on me.

"Whose Dave?" and please God tell me what he said was true. Tell me you love me, Vic.

"He is an Assistant District Attorney in Sheridan County."

I look over at her, longer than I should, thinking she did good for herself.

"Did he hurt you?" If he did, I'm turning around.

"No"

"Did he touch you?" If he did, I will hurt him.

"No. Well, no, not like that."

"I don't want to pry, Vic. If you wanna talk I'll listen." She pauses like she doesn't know what to say but she doesn't want the cab to be filled with silence.

"Who won the game?"

"Bears"

"Did you watch the game?"

"Nope, I stayed and watched the surveillance video from the bank. Listened to the last 5 minutes coming up to get you."

"Sorry, Walt, I really am."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Vic."

"Did Ferg chicken out?"

"No, I pretty much forced him to tell me."

"You are always on the rescue." For you, Vic. Yes, I would fight both David and Goliath for you.

I can see her head hanging down and she won't look at me. Instead, her head is fixed to the right and staring out of the window, staring at the vast blackness of the wilderness we pass by at 75 miles an hour. Her hands are clasped together in her lap and every now and then she looks down at her fingers and strokes the tips of her fingers. I know the pain she feels for I feel this everyday, every moment, for fear my secret will reveal itself far too soon.

She is quiet. I am quiet. This is the tango we dance, it's the part I am really trying to change, and it's the most difficult challenge of my life. I am comfortable burying my feelings, my emotions, and not letting anyone in to share the pain. No, I want to protect them from the pain. That's what I do, that's who I am but in the end it may cost me everything. It nearly cost me my daughter and at this very moment I realize with great certainty, it is probably costing me the woman I love.

Vic has her hands wound tightly and pressed against her lap. She occasionally opens her palm, pulls a finger, and rapidly forms another fist with both hands, wringing her hands along the way. Without saying a word, I reach over and take her hand, and hold it in mine. Her skin is unexpectedly soft but expectantly warm. I can't say it, yet, but I want her to know I care about her and I love her just as she is.

She doesn't pull her hand away as we travel down the road.

"I met Dave a few weeks ago at court. We've been dating since then. He is a very nice guy, Walt, I need you to know that."

A few weeks. My stomach is in a knot. "Ok."

I don't let go of her hand.

"After the divorce I figured some time would need to pass and…"

She just stops talking and her eyes are fixed outside the window. I tighten my grip just a bit giving her courage and letting her know that I am here.

"you were waiting for me." It's a part question and a part statement.

I wait for her to pull her hand back and she doesn't but she doesn't look at me either instead I see her nod her head up and down out of the corner of my eye.

"What happened tonight?" My voice is softer but deeper than normal because I'm concerned.

"Dave and I got into an argument. It was pretty bad and I wasn't going to get into his car with him."

"You sure he didn't hurt you, Vic?"

"I was too fucking mad, Walt, that's why I wouldn't get in the car."

I'm confused but I don't want to interrogate her.

"The plan was for me to go back to his house tonight, Walt."

Deep inside of my stomach, back near my spine, it hurts.

"Dave drove down and picked me up and he was going to bring me back home tomorrow, after spending the night together, of course." My hand twinges, a physiological reaction, to blunt force trauma. She pauses, "I don't know maybe this is TMI, Walt."

"It's ok"

"He said I talked too much about you, more than a partner should, and that he knew more about you than he did me but I was the one he was dating and that was a huge problem for him."

I think back to how much I didn't talk to Lizzie about anything, really, except Vic. I know I need to do my part because this is about us, really. It's not about Dave.

"Vic, you up for a cup of coffee?"

"Coffee sounds good. I could really use a fucking drink, though."

I smile because I could use a lot of drinks right now but I know what I need to say to her and I don't want her thinking it was alcohol talking. She needs to have confidence in what I am going to say to her.

"It's late do you think anything is open besides a truck stop?"

"I'm not going to a truck stop dressed like this, Walt."

"Ah, yeah, I wasn't thinking." I was thinking how wonderfully beautiful you are and I should have been your date, we should be headed home together, and I should be taking you home in the morning.

Vic takes her cell phone out of her purse. "I can use modern technology to find a late night coffee shop."

"Ok, but you wanna….ah…go dressed to the nine's?"

She smiles and it makes my night.

"You have a point."

"We can go to my cabin but I don't want you to feel, you know, weird about it."

She is still holding my hand which I take as a good sign as I am finding strength from her and I'm afraid she is giving me more support than I am giving her.

These are my thoughts as we hit Durant and as we pull onto the road to my cabin, I realize that while I may not be ready to move forward, the risk of losing her, of her belonging to someone else is something I will never be ready for.


	8. Steps - Chapter 8

**Tweet #LongLiveLongmire tonight 8pm est/5pm pst - Join the stampede - Longmireposse longlivelongmire We need a new network!**

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><p>I shut the engine of the Bronco and look over at Vic, our hands apart, I flash a hint of a smile and offer a small nod of my head, giving her permission to embark on the conversation we are about to have.<p>

As she enters the doorway, I mutter, "Make yourself comfortable I'll get the water on." Hanging my hat and coat, I see Vic negotiating her position on the couch. Grinding the coffee beans, I think of the last time I was in this position. Lizzie was in this kitchen desperately trying to negotiate her way into my heart but there wasn't room and I didn't want there to be room for her. I tried to get myself there, I really did, but not only did I fail her I failed myself.

I will not fail, Vic. I will not fail myself. Not this time because Vic has always been in my heart forging through the pain that took possession.

Coming back to the living room I ask," Are you cold?"

"No. I'm ok."

I sit on the edge of the coffee table, facing Vic, and rub my hands between my knees leaning forward and hoping to breathe in some courage with the air filling my lungs. I want to touch her.

Vic spontaneously says," Walt, I'm really sorry about this, maybe I should just go. Would you take me home?"

"If you want to leave, of course, I will take you home."

Vic stands and leans down for her purse and I move to take her hand gently within my own, "I will do whatever you want, Vic, but it really is time for us to talk, even if it's for a few moments."

She sits back down, looks at me, and I see a hint of weakness in her eyes, and fear, but I also see love.

"Do you want to know why I was so mad at Dave?"

"I have an idea." She confirms to me that she did not hear my conversation with Dave.

She holds her head down like she is ashamed but my head matches hers as I speak, "I'm sorry, Vic."

She looks up and away as I add, "I'm sorry that I have been so slow and have kept you waiting. " I move her hair so I can see her eyes.

I see the tears start to well.

My mind echoes don't cry, my love.

"Walt, you confuse me."

She takes a deep breath and lets it out as she speaks, her eyes penetrating my own, "After nearly a year, I decided that I need to live for me and not for you. It was hard making that decision because it meant that I had to accept that either you were never going to move on or you didn't have the courage to move on but the most painful conclusion I made was that you don't think I was worth moving toward."

My thumb rubs her fingers as a tiny show of support.

"Dave is a really nice, smart, and sexy guy. He's a good catch, Walt, but sadly he's not you." She looks at me, her eyes are wet but the tear hasn't fallen. It's as stubborn as she is.

"You are worth moving toward. I just don't want to be broken when I get there.

I look away willing the tears that are forming inside to take refuge and not reveal themselves to the world. I can feel the hurtful lump in my throat. I have to step forward and set the last piece of truth free.

This is so hard.

I move closer, our eyes not averting, "I have no right to ask you to hold on. I have no right to ask you to be patient. I have no right to ask you to wait. The only thing that gives me the courage to ask you all of those things is because I am a man in love. As that man, I need to actually be a man which, for me, means being able to offer you the whole of me."

We are so close now our lips are almost touching and I can feel the electric pulses through her body. "Vic, will you wait for me?"

Her voice quivers, the warmth of her breath cascades over me, and her tears finally fall, "Yes, but only because I love you."

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><p><strong>Ok, so this will end up being much longer than a short story because we still have a murder to solve! I hope you keep reading and it's not too boring. Thank you for the reviews and the messages. The Posse Rocks and don't forget to hit social media tonight! <strong>


	9. Steps - Chapter 9

I'm surprised at how I feel because I am not relieved, at all. I feel sick to my stomach. You know, the after adrenaline dump, that makes you nauseous and queasy. That's where I am right now.

"What does all this mean?"

"I'm not exactly sure, Vic." I wait a moment deciding that if we are going to have a chance at forever I need to at least try to tell her what is on my heart. "I do know that I don't want you going out with Dave."

"It's not like Dave will go out with me again."

She looks at me and I follow, "Or anyone else." I can tell she is considering my words, "I'm not trying to sound like an asshole but really that's how it is, Vic. If we want each other, we want each other, not other people."

"Oh, I get it Walt but do you get that I won't wait forever?" Her eyes are seeking my reaction.

"Yup."

We sit like that for a few moments, sort of drawing the rules of engagement, "Vic, stay here with me tonight." The words come out sure and strong. "Let's just be together, you and me." Her face is flushing just a tad and I realize how it sounds and while that's what I want it's not what we need right now.

"I'm not talking about sex." I put my hand on her lap. "This is going to sound very odd but….ahhh…as much as I want to make love to you….ah I don't want to make love to you. Not yet."

"Since we seem to have found our courage tonight I'm just going to ask you why you could sleep with Lizzie but not with me."

It's the Mike Tyson jab and left hook that nearly knocks me out but demands the truth.

"I had sex with her. I don't want to have sex with you. I want to love you and you know there's a difference."

She looks at me with those penetrating eyes.

"So, how are we doing this platonic sleep over?"

My mind flashes to how beautifully sexy Vic is and how lucky I am that she has chosen to love me and to wait.

I squeeze her hand, "Well, if we had a football date with wings and beer. eventually landing back here, we would probably watch Sports Center and go to bed after the Top Ten." I smile at her because like I told you I am probably rather pedestrian in her mind.

Vic's response is a surprise. "I fucking love it. It's exactly what I would want to do. Except, Walt, I wouldn't be dressed like this." Her free hand goes down the curves of her body. A body I imagine pressed under mine.

Without saying anything, I get up and take my short sleeve pajamas out of my dresser drawer.

I toss the top to her, "Top for you and the bottoms for me."

Vic laughs, "It figures you have a pair of Grandpa pajamas. Straight out of the Sears catalog."

"Hey, these are the best."

"That they are Walt. Blue and black checked cotton p.j's."

"No, now see you're wrong. These are a blend because they are shorts for summer and I know it's not summer but it's hot in here."

"No it's not"

"Well, I am hot."

"Yeah, you are."

My entire body is on fire from my flub. Can I have a hot flash? If I can I am having one.

I throw my finger toward the bedroom, "Go change." I will wait out here.

She walks past me and stops short putting her hand on my cheek and gently kisses my lips. My arms fall in surrender to her waist and I slowly part my lips allowing her in. The slow, deep, penetrating kiss is our mutual affirmation of the declarations we have made."

"It's an inferno in here. You better get changed. I will go take a cold shower and change into my half. I'll meet you on the couch for our date."

Sweetly she whispers "Ok."

We rejoin each other on the couch; sit side by side while Chris Berman yells at us.

I nod toward the kitchen; "You hungry?" because I realize she probably didn't eat dinner.

"I'm fucking starved."

"Honey Nut Cheerios or Frosted Flakes?"

Her faces lights up and I am blessed with her warmest smile. The one she saves for special occasions.

"Frosted Flakes, drown 'em"

I pour two bowls of cereal and drop a table spoon in hers. I hand it to her and she takes a huge spoonful.

"Walt, I don't know exactly what shit you need to work out but this is a match made in heaven so hurry the fuck up."

We both laugh and I lean over and kiss her lips, carefully balancing my bowl of cereal.

"I will. I promise."

After dinner, we have the uncomfortable pause, of sleeping arrangements.

"Vic." I take her hand. "Let's go to bed."

"I thought….."

"You're thinking right. I just want to feel you next to me."

"I'm scared, Walt but I think you are terrified."

I nod because I really want to run.

"Why?"

My eyes close, I take a deep breath, and open them as I let my breath out. "Because once I make love to you there will be no going back for me and I've lost my heart once I can't lose it again, Vic. I just haven't gotten there, yet." I turn to look at her, "I'm terrified to take that risk, to be that vulnerable, but I want to be and I only want to be with you."

She leans her head on my shoulder, kisses my shoulder, "Let's go to bed."

I fall asleep with my arms around her, more convinced than ever that this is the right pace and this is the right time. I have finally made the next step toward Vic and toward love.


	10. Steps - Chapter 10

I watch Vic's eyes open and see the small smile brighten her face.

"I didn't kiss you good night. Can I kiss you good morning?"

She nods her gently, I turn a little closer, my hand falls softly on the hollow of her back. I'm almost scared to kiss her. I've wanted for this for so long and now that it's here it doesn't seem real. I don't want to be a disappointment to her.

My eyes close, on instinct, as soon as my lips touch hers. It's a closed pucker at first and I slowly part my lips, she joins me as my tongue gently finds hers and when they meet it's like a propane tank in a microwave.

When we break our kiss I look down then close my eyes.

"Walt, what are you thinking about? You are so far away from me."

"I need to tell you the other part of why I'm not ready for us to make love and move forward even though I really want too."

"Ok"

"I need to forgive myself for sleeping with Lizzie. I need to forgive myself for not behaving like the man that I try to be." I'm looking at her now. "You see, even if my heart was free to be hers I didn't honor her or myself with my behavior, Vic. I'm ashamed of myself and it's hard to admit to myself let alone say to you but I don't want any more secrets."

She is steady in her stare listening to every word.

"I think my first step is to apologize to Lizzie and I want you to know that I'm going to do that but I don't want you feeling insecure or weird about it, Vic."

I can feel her body tense underneath my hand.

"I don't want to be broken any more and I don't want you loving a broken man. I don't want you trying to fix me, either. I just want you to love me for who I really am and I need to do this to get there. To heal. I hope you understand."

"I do but I am also a little in shock."

"In shock?"

"I mean I know you are inside your head a lot, Walt but you sound sorta like a therapist. It's surprising."

I stroke her arm and smile, "Vic, I think if most people were just honest with themselves they know the answers but sometimes we need help getting there."

She smiles and kisses my lips for a moment, "Well, when you retire, I think you found your next calling."

At that we both laugh and Vic turns to me with a serious expression, "I'm really proud of you, you know."

"Thank you, Vic. Now let's get going so I can get you home to change your clothes."

"Morning, Sheriff."

"Moring, Ferg."

"Morning, Ferg." Vic trails behind me by a step.

Ferg stands immobilized at his desk. He is sometimes a little slow to catch on but not this morning. I can tell by the gaping hole where is mouth is.

I hang up my coat and hat by the rack at the door and smooth my hair out.

"So, what did you find last night?"

"Last night? Ummm"…he's nervous.."ummm" He looks at me then at Vic whose slinging her bag down at her desk.

"Yeah, the Ford. Did you find anything?"

"Um I found three possible matches and after checking DMV I discovered that one was junked about 3 years ago and that leaves two possibilities."

He looks back at Vic and he seems more nervous as he puts 2 and 2, well all the two's together, and he looks up at me with a sparkle in his eye.

"I figured if it's a car that's not from here then neither is the person driving it so I went to the local motels in the county and checked the car against registrations."

"Good thing there aren't many motels."

Ferg smiles. "Yeah."

He looks back over at Vic who has not looked up, yet.

"Anyway, I found one registered at the Sleepy Squirrel. I asked Marge, the clerk there, to call me when the guy who registered shows up. Marge plays bingo with my Mom on Monday's at the church. So, I figured, you know, she's good for her word and all."

"Why don't you knock off and get some sleep. When Marge calls I'll let you know since you probably want to be part of the arrest team?"

He looks up, more serious now, "Yes, Walt, I would like that fine."

"Ok"

I turn toward my office and see Vic concentrating heavily on the papers at her desk and I can feel the energy coming from her. This is the part we haven't talked about; the part that is about everyone else not just us.

I stop close to Vic; turn to Ferg, who is about out the door, "Hey, Ferg."

He turns to look at me.

"Great work."

He breaks out his huge and infectious grin.

"Thank you. Good night, Walt." And as if he was almost too scared to say it, "Good night, Vic."

Vic gets up suddenly, walks past me and over to Ferg. She wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him, soft and gentle, I can barely hear her say, "Thank you for being there for me when I need you, Ferg."

I can see him smile, "You're welcome, Vic." He turns back toward the door and waves goodbye to both of us.

Vic sits back down at her desk looking down like she wants to avoid me, her blonde ponytail hanging over her collar. I trace the curve of her neck along her uniform shirt with my fingers. I just want to touch her and to know she's real.

I sink into my chair in the office and put together the murder book for our victim and anxiously await Marge's call while Vic does a criminal history work-up on the registered owner of the Ford. I wanna know what we are walking into before we confront this guy.

Vic darkens my doorway, arms folded; legs crossed and leaning against the frame. I look up, thinking of how her body would feel beneath mine pressed against the wood, my hands all over, my tongue twisted with hers and I know I need to mend and move.

"Besides the fact that I like looking at you, a lot, I have the criminal history package done and if it's not our suspect it probably should be because it's extensive. Turns out this guy, Jerry Bedford, has a rap sheet a mile long. Progressively violent and his last stent in the pen was for assault with a deadly weapon. His weapon of choice is a knife.

"Doc Bloomfield confirmed the cause of death was homicide and by a sharped edged instrument so that's consistent with this Bedford character."

I hold my hand out, silently asking for the criminal history package. Vic walks over and hands it to me across the desk, almost like she is afraid to be close to me, which makes me want to let my fingers linger on hers as she releases the folder but I don't because I don't have a right to, not yet.

"You wanna grab some breakfast? I'm starving. My date didn't feed me breakfast."

Smiling, I stand up and walk over to the other side of the desk, I don't touch her but I want to so bad. Instead I stand so close a piece of paper could fit between us. When you have your first sleep over, and you will, I promise it will be more than you ever imagined and I will feed you everything Vic; your mind, your body and your soul."

"Ok, I'm leaving because I want you naked, right now."

She walks out, "I'm bringing back food…..for our bodies."

I smile. I pause. I pick up the phone, "Hello…Lizzie...it's Walt"


	11. Steps -Chapter 11

"Walt? Walt Longmire?"

"Yes, ahh I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time."

"No, I am surprised you are calling me, though. I assume this must be official business of some kind."

She is defensive and I don't blame her. I'm actually glad she doesn't hang up on me.

"No, ah, it's more of a personal nature...I um .. I was wondering if we could meet for a cup of coffee? I don't have any ulterior motives I actually would like to explain some things to you."

She is quiet on the phone and I'm not sure if she has hung up on me.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Listen, Lizzie I don't blame you if….."

"I have to drive into town to take care of some business anyway at the bank. I will meet you in an hour in the square."

"Ok, see you then."

The line goes dead and I'm more affirmed that this is the right thing to do.

Vic makes it back with breakfast and I tell her about the phone call. She is either ok with it or she has the best poker face ever invented. I'm hoping it's the former.

I walk over to the square and wait on one of the benches. I can't make myself comfortable so I just sit with my hands on my knees, my back firm against the bench backing and my hat is square on my head. Lizzie walks up from the west end of the square and she looks as attractive as ever. She hasn't aged a day since the last time I saw her. The night she walked out of my cabin after finding Vic there and jumping to conclusions. She saw what neither of us did.

I stand as she approaches. Do I shake her hand, do I hug her, I don't know so I don't do either but I put my hand to my hat, bend my head, and acknowledge her with the traditional cowboy hello by tipping my hat.

"Hello, Walt."

"Hi, Lizzie." I motion to the bench. "Would you care to sit down?"

She does, a perfect distance between us, not too close but not so far away that says she's the enemy responding to a peace treaty.

"Lizzie, um thanks for coming down here and meeting with me."

"What's on your mind, Walt?"

"I need to apologize to you and ask you to forgive me for the way I treated you."

Her mouth opens in surprise then closes right back almost as if it didn't happen but her arms stay clenched across her chest.

"You were right that I was still in love with Martha. You see Lizzie, Martha was murdered in Denver. She didn't die of cancer."

"I read about it in the paper but I didn't know how to call you and tell you I was sorry but it explained a lot to me, Walt." She reaches out and touches my arm in empathy.

"Thank you, but I wanted to apologize for not being honest with you. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with anyone at the time and I know that I hurt you. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I really am and I hope you can forgive me for that and for letting it get that far."

She looks at me for a very long moment. The wind kicks up and her hair blows in her face. She moves it back behind her ear while her eyes continue to penetrate me. She is a beautiful and vibrant woman and sitting here this close to her, I know that I don't feel anything for her except a need to be kind.

"I forgive you, Walt and your apology is accepted."

I smile because I feel an instant relief.

She continues to stare, "So since you aren't interested in me is it safe to assume you and Vic are seeing each other now that she is divorced."

I look out into the horizon and then back over her shoulder toward the brick edifice of my office building. I look down at my worn boots and pick my head up slowly.

"Yup"

She smiles, the I knew it smile, "Figures"

I reach over, touch her forearm, and feel the smooth leather under my fingers. I speak firmly and clearly because I don't want anything I am about to say to be interpreted as weak or indecisive.

"I am in love with her but you knew that before I did. I plan to stay in love with her and only her until my last breath."

She purses her lips in self-acknowledgment. "Believe it or not, Walt. I am very happy for you."

"Thank you, Lizzie."

"Besides, I never had to work so hard in my life to get a man interested in me which should have been my first clue you weren't interested. This is just as much my fault as it is yours and I am really glad we are having this conversation."

I smile at her and she returns the same.

Lizzie starts to stand and I stand with her taking my hat off so she can see my eyes clearly, "Lizzie, I wish you the best and I hope you find the man you deserve to have love you."

"Thank you, Walt. I wish you the best and Vic, too."

She turns and walks away from me. I can feel the air filling my lungs and I blow it out slow and steady. I head back over to the station and Vic is waiting for me ready to go.

"Hey, Marge called and the car is back."

"Ok…ah Ruby..can you call Ferg and tell him he can come meet us if he wants and if he does please have him call Vic's cell phone with his eta."

"Ok, Walter."

Even Ruby seems pleased with my efforts where The Ferg is concerned.

Vic and I jump in the Bullet and head out toward the motel. It's quiet in the cab as I try to process my thoughts of the conversation with Lizzie and how I feel about it.

"Walt, we can talk later, I don't want to be distracted while we work."

"Yup"

We park a block away from the motel, with a perfect birds eye view of the Ford Granada.

Now we wait.


	12. Steps - Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Let me see that mug shot again." Vic passes the small color photo over to me.

"Looks like the poster boy for Scared Straight. His last booking sheet lists him as white male, six feet, hundred and sixty pounds. So we are looking for a scraggly, tall, skinny guy that's tatted out."

My eyes glance back in the rear view mirror, the passenger mirror, the driver's mirror and back toward the motel. I complete the rotation. I've sat in the Bronco, just like this, a million times with Vic and right at this moment this is the most relaxed I have ever been.

The first year or so I was just getting to know her, adjust to her personality, and let's face it her foul mouth. I was so distracted and consumed with my own pain during those months, that turned into years, that Vic became the closest friend I had besides Henry. I relied on her professionally but I also began to depend on her friendship. As the case against Henry seemed daunting and impossible to defend I shut her out of the process. I didn't want her intimately involved in solving Martha's murder or in Henry's defense. It took a long time for me to realize why I pushed her away.

I didn't want her to see the ugliness that was inside of me. The anger, the pain, the hurt, the revenge that seeped from my pores but what I never counted on is that she saw it, she understood it and she accepted me for who I was. Vic never tried to change me and, I now know, that she loved me but I don't want her to be in love with the broken man of the past. The work, I am putting in, is beginning to take a positive effect and that pleases me. It pleases me that she is here next to me and when I look at her I see my future.

One step at I time I tell myself. One step at a time.

"Walt, you see him."

"Yup"

"What are we going to do? Ferg, hasn't called me back, yet."

"We're going to have a talk with Jerry."

I see Jerry walk past the clerk's office toward the vending machines, he is facing away from us as he puts his money in the red Coke machine. I take the opportunity of unexpected distraction and ease the Bronco into the parking lot blocking in the Granada. Without speaking, Vic takes the right and I take the left, flanking Jerry as he turns from the Coke machine. His hands are full with the two drinks he bought but he looks me dead in the eyes. His face grows blank, his eyes widen, and it's a look I recognize. He is thinking about his odds and if he can outrun me. It's a mistake often made by younger or smaller men. They look, and think, graying hair, ropers, and coat, they can make it but they can't see the fight inside nor can they know that I ran a 5 second 40 when I was at SC. That was fast then and it's fast now and while I'm nowhere close to 5 seconds, I'm still pretty quick much quicker than they think and that's where I catch them. The other surprise weapon of course is Vic. She is a lethal weapon unto herself.

"Jerry" I ask and that's all it takes, he throws a Coke hard and it explodes on the wall just past my head. Jerry cuts down the walkway and Vic yells out, "Hey", he turns his head for a second taking him out of rhythm but more importantly he loses focus of where I am and I catch up with my arm out stretched, place my hand dead center of his back, and give him just a little push.

Jerry thuds to the ground, his limbs going in all four directions, Vic pounces on his back as I over run him coming to a natural stop. I trot back and catch my breath and Vic cuffs him up.

"Impressive old man." Vic teases me as the spit comes out of my mouth.

"Who you…(breathe)….callin' ...(breathe)…old man?"

She laughs, "You're right…outta shape old man."

I smile and pick up Jerry's right arm as Vic brings him to his feet.

Clearly, I have to figure out some kinda fitness plan because all the running I've done this year, well, it's getting as old as I am.

"What the hell are you arresting me for?"

Vic does the honor, "Murder, like you didn't know."

Jerry is quiet on the ride back to the station. He does his best mad dog look at me and hasn't quite made up his mind about Vic.

It's clear, back at the station, that Jerry has been locked up a fair amount of time because once inside the cell he automatically turns around, puts his wrists through the bars so I can unlock the cuffs. I didn't have to tell him what to do.

"Well, Jerry, you know the drill. I won't con you. We got you on surveillance video dumping Mulligan's body in the alley. So it's up to you how you want this to play out."

"Bullshit"

I wheel the old library TV stand over to the cell and queue up the DVD. After it plays, Jerry hands his head, "I want a lawyer."

"Ok, unless you have a private attorney to call, I will call the public defender for you in the morning."

"Morning will be fine."

"Hungry?"

Jerry just looks at me, turns and sits on the bunk facing away from me.

"Hey, Walt, since shit bird lawyered up you good if I take off? Dipshit here made me miss the first half of the game."

I turn, and am temporarily mesmerized and lost in thought, but I nod, "Sure."

"Cool, besides Ferg should be in soon."

Vic holds her cell phone up to her ear, "Ah shit."

"What"

"The Ferg was in the shower and missed Ruby's call. He will be sorry he missed the action."

"Call him back will ya. Have him go over and impound the car and start the search on Bedford's room."

Vic makes the call.

"Hey, Walt, I can stay and babysit jailbird here or I can go help Ferg. I don't need to leave."

"Ferg can handle it. I got it here so there's no point in you working overtime. Go enjoy the game."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

I laugh at her, "You're the one that asked to leave."

"That I did. Well bye, then."

"Besides, if you want to be in a hurry to watch the Eagles lose who am I to stop you." I did it just to see her get fired up because she is sexy when she is mad. It just makes me want her more.

Vic stops dead in her tracks, spins around with her hand on her hip, her head snakes around, "Excuse me!"

"You heard me Deputy Moretti."

"I heard you talking shit as I'm almost out of the door."

"It's just the truth that's all. The 49ers at home. Your Eagles are gonna get shot down."

"Put your money where your mouth is."

"What were you thinking….because I don't mind a little friendly wager among friends…that is."

"I'm sure betting money is against some sort of county code or at the very least our code of ethics on this department, right?"

"Yup"

Vic's hand is still placed firmly on her hips and I think of it will feel to hold her hips in place over me.

"I bet you a truck detail."

"What?"

"When you lose you can detail my truck. Now that I know you possess that particular talent."

"My truck is already detailed what do I get when I win?"

"What do you want?" It's out before she thinks about it and I let it linger just long enough to see the red creep from her neck to her face. A very enjoyable blush because it rarely happens with her.

"Shopping."

"What?"

"I need help getting stuff for the house. I'm not very good at it and when I win you gotta go with me."

"Ah shit, Walt, I hate shopping."

I laugh, "I know and it will make it that much more enjoyable for me."

"Ok, fine, it's a bet"

"I'll make sure to call you in the morning when I bring my truck to your place. Get your rags ready."

Vic hits the half swing doors and yells out, "So long suckas" as she leaves.

I hang my head down and smile. I really love this girl.


	13. Date - Chapter 1

Should I wait outside? Maybe inside is better? What exactly is the protocol? I should have gone and picked her up or met her somewhere else. It's the only time of my life where I wish I lost a bet.

I hear the distinctive sound of tires on the dirt just outside my cabin and I pace back and forth. We are just going shopping. This isn't a date or is it? The thought makes it worse. Take a deep breath; blow it out and do it again. Get yourself together, man. I open the door, lock it behind me, and meet her outside.

Vic, shouts out her window, "Sorry, I'm a couple of minutes late."

I smile; give her my best James Dean wave down by my hip. She has her hair down, which is a rare enough treat, she's wearing her Ray Bans, a Kelly green t-shirt under a dark gray zip hoodie with her Levi jacket layered overtop. How can she look so good in those clothes? I don't know but she does and my craving for her grows exponentially.

"Hey, ah…I can drive, Vic," pointing over to my truck.

"No, no. I lost the bet fair and square and if I gotta go shopping I'm gonna fuckin' drive. That way you can't hold me fuckin' hostage at the fuckin' mall."

"Let's see we got a noun, a verb and an adjective all with one word."

"Fuckin' impressive, isn't it?"

Smiling, I hop in the passenger side of her truck. Despite my smile, I am feeling completely uncomfortable. If I was nervous before I am a complete wreck now as I try to figure out how to navigate my way through this day or date or whatever it is that we are having.

"Vic, ah, where are we going, exactly?"

"Gheez, Walt we are going to Sheridan. It's the closest place with a decent mall. With that list you gave me I looked up the sales page so we will hit Bed, Bath and Beyond, Macy's and Michael's." She rotates her arm in a big circle and talks slowly, "the mall is a place where they have a lot of stores."

"I know what a mall is, Vic."

She looks over at me and tilts her sunglasses down, her brown eyes showing hints of sarcasm but empathy all that the same time.

"I'm not that daft you know."

"I know Walt but if I can't get some fun out of this…." She breaks into a smile. "Besides, I've only been actually inside of your cabin a couple of times and both times it was obvious to me that you never did the shopping and that most likely Martha did."

Vic reaches over and lays her hand on top of mine; she isn't holding my hand just touching me, " so when you actually named shopping as the prize for a bet I knew this was not only a huge compliment to me, because it meant you trusted me, but that you were also scared shitless to do it on your own." She looks over at me, "Besides what man says fucking shopping when they bet a girl in football? Its usually the fucking they bet."

My ears just got hot.

She takes her hand back, "Besides with all this self discovery shit I find you incredibly fucking hot and it's all I can do not to rip your clothes off of you every time I see you. Not to mention I'm not losing my rare opportunity to drive with you as the passenger."

Did she just say that? My whole body is on fire now.

"The last time you drove, I was drunk because I felt guilty about calling Lizzie. It felt like I was cheating."

The cab is silent for a moment but Vic asks, "Do you feel that way now."

"No."

She doesn't say anything but I owe her more, "If I did I never would have asked you to come with me. Shopping is pretty intimate business when you get right down to it especially shopping for my home."

This time, I reach out and gently stroke her ear with my thumb and bring my hand back to rest on my thigh. It seems to rest that way whether I'm driving or not.

I look at her, "So you would consider this a date?"

"A date?"

"Yes, you know when a man and a woman spend time alone together for the purposes of gaining intimate knowledge about one another." I slow down my speech, "It's called a date, Vic."

She laughs. She laughs loudly. I join in her refrain.

"No, this isn't a date, Walt. It's called I lost a bet and now I'm paying up but I'm glad I lost. "

"Ok"

Once at the mall, Vic lays out the strategic plan for shopping quickly and efficiently.

"Listen, I wrote down some colors that I think you may like and that will give your cabin a nice masculine feel, not too metrosexual."

Do I need to know what that means? I decide I don't and let her continue.

"Walt, the plan for successful shopping is all in the research before you get there. Don't allow yourself to get distracted."

"Yeah, Vic, I got it. We aren't building a nuclear bomb or anything."

"Nope but if you want to see one go off leave me here with the crying babies, whiney kids, misguided husbands and stuck up moms and you will see one go off."

"You must be the only woman alive who hates shopping."

She flashes back, "Nope, there's a legion of us but we refrain from speaking our truths for fear of not fitting in designated gender stereotypes."

"I see I'm not the only one working on self-improvement."

She turns on her heel and smiles at me, putting her hand to my cheek and tenderly strokes my 3 day beard with the palm of her hand. "No, Walt, you're not." Then she kisses my lips and holds it for just a beat longer.

Now, it's officially a date, and it changes everything.


	14. Date - Chapter 2

"I wasn't expecting that," a little bewildered.

"It's not, ok?"

"It's ok just unexpected."

"Walt, are you sure you are ok with …with…whatever it is we are doing?"

"I don't know, Vic." I'm evasive because I don't know what we are doing.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't know."

"You don't know, what?" I can see the hurt in her face but her tone is almost indignant.

We are standing close; close enough for me to take a few of her fingers in my hand. I look down at them, connected; yet, I feel a distance between us.

"I don't know what we are doing?" We look at each other, neither of us averting our eyes, it's not a challenge but rather a search for truth, our truth, how we are defining ourselves.

"I think maybe this was a mistake." When I don't reply Vic turns and walks toward the main mall doors. I follow behind her, not too distant and not too close, I don't want to chase her in the mall but I don't want her leaving, either.

When she hits the doors she turns right instead of left and in the moment delay, I catch her elbow and turn her into me. Vic, pushes the palms of her hands in my chest, "Let me go."

I let her arm go and she softly rips, "I lived a life of make believe with Sean but I won't do it with you. I'm not going to put up with your Jack Kerouac bullshit as you pilot your way through the channels of inner reflection and self-discovery claiming to not know my place in the fantasies of your head, or where we actually become a we, resorting to your insular and introspective non-verbal communication because you are too chicken shit to admit the truth."

She takes her open palm and faces it toward her body while waxing an imaginary circle, "Now, if you can deal, with all of this" she moves her open circle up toward her face, "and all of this" she stops circling and points to the mall, "then man the fuck up and lets go shopping."

I step into her, holding my body still and blocking her way, she doesn't move but her heated breath is blowing on my chest, her words penetrate and explode on the reset button, "Is blue one of those metrosexual colors, cause I like blue, and I don't want to ruin the color blue by calling it metrosexual?"

"You can't ruin a color, Walt."

"Yeah… Yeah, you can." I let my index finger curl around her neck and run down the v-neck of her t-shirt, feeling the rise of her breasts ever so slightly with the ascent of her breathing.

"Considering you are contemplating the future of the entire spectrum of blue does this mean you want to go shopping after all?"

"Yup"

"Fine."

"Hey" I lean down and kiss her. The sound of the crowd, horns honking, kids screaming, everything stopped. I think about how long I have lived for moments such as these. How I pine for her touch, her look and the feel of her body next to mine.

"Vic, I've never gone shopping for bed and bath linen with anyone in my life except for Martha and somewhere between the truck and the door I realized that and I realized that I was buying sheets to put on the bed I shared with her having every intention of sharing that same bed with you and it stopped me dead in my tracks."

Vic can't control the redness of her neck, ears and face as she hangs her head and I know the sudden and awful rush of remorse and embarrassment about sharing my bed is flooding her brain and body at this moment.

I lift her head with my finger, "I need you too look at me."

She does.

"It stopped me because I'm not feeling guilty or sad or bereft. I do feel strange about it but that part, that part, I think is normal but when you asked me what we are, what we are doing, I didn't have an answer and it's not because I don't' think about it, it's because I don't know."

"I don't understand, Walt. Do you just want to be friends?"

"Friendship isn't casual."

She stares because she is expecting more, demanding more.

"I know you're my partner, Vic but I also know that I don't really know you as a woman, not like I want too and certainly not like I should."

"So, that's why all the interest if this is a date or not?"

"Yup."

She ponders my brief but accurate answer.

"I think your mistake, Walt, is labeling everything. Why can't we just be us? Why do we have to label it?"

"I don't want us to be arbitrary."

"Vic," our bodies close again, our foreheads together put side by side, she stops me before I speak and adds, "Just because we are buying these things doesn't mean I am going to use them with you, Walt. Not until you're, or we, are ready."

"Will you have dinner with me tonight?"

"Oh, a date?" She catches the clue that I really want to be with her I'm just a little lost.

"Yup."


	15. Date - Chapter 3

"Navy blue chevron pattern?" She looks up at me almost as if she is hurting my feelings by even asking. "They have a 800 thread count. You should be happy with these."

"What about you?" I'm thinking I should ask because I want her lying next to me but when that happens is sort of up in the air and it's the sort of that's causing all the angst.

"Nope. I don't want you buying these because of me." She has her hand up like a stop sign.

I hold my hands on my hips and look over to the clerk who is busy ringing up another customer completely oblivious to the fact that my life is falling apart no matter how desperately I try to patch the pieces together.

"Hey." I reach down and take her hand out of the air. "Hey, ah." I move closer to her and lower my voice for fear that the entire department store may overhear my sinister plot, "I want you to have an opinion, Vic. They are your sheets, too."

Vic's eyes stop and hold on mine. "I know I'm really messing this up because I wasn't ready yet, Vic. I wasn't ready for us but I don't want to lose you to Dave or to anyone else. I don't want you to wait either. I …ah…I ah…don't know what to say except." My mind loses all coherent thought and I can't finish my sentence. I fall into the beauty staring back at me and I lean down, hold her chin with my thumb, and kiss her. It's soft and tentative but is so full of promise. When our lips part, I almost fall into her, the hand on my chest brings me back to the present. The clerk is now staring at us and she has a sweet smile on her face. I think she winks at me but I'm not sure.

"Do you like navy blue or should we look at some pastel colors?"

"Pastel colors?" She whispers still holding her hand on my chest.

"Yeah, I want it to feel like you, too." When you're not there it will be like you are.

She blushes. The desired effect achieved.

"Do you like these?" She holds up the chevron pattern.

"Yes, I do." I move closer.

"Good, we'll get them, then."

"You never answered my question," my hip makes contact with hers.

"I like them because you do. That's good enough." She turns almost daring me, "Isn't it?"

"Yup." I flash a smile because it seems the thing to do. Our angst diffused.

I check my watch and offer, "Will 1800 work for you? For dinner?"

"Sure"

"I think this will do. How about we call shopping a day and I will come by and pick you up at 1800, ok?"

"ok."

Our drive back home is relatively quiet and I am appreciative of that simple fact.

Vic rolls to the front of the cabin and offers to help carry my days worth of shopping packages inside.

"I got it." I smile and set the packages at the front door fumbling for my keys.

She shouts from the open window of the truck, "Hey, Walt, I'm not trying to be a pain or anything but are we going somewhere dressy…..I ah….you know want to know how to dress."

It never dawned upon me to say anything. I'm so out of touch. This is hard.

"Ah, no. Just you know regular clothes. Jeans and a t-shirt, I think."

I watch for disappointment but I don't see it.

"Ok"

I offer up my James Dean one more time and I watch for disappointment but I don't see it and am rewarded with a vibrant smile. No doubt there.

My first order of business is laundry and scrubbing my cabin clean. I figure I better start with the kitchen. I pull off my boots and my t-shirt and get to work.


	16. Date Night

I've done my best. My back is stiff, my knees hurt and my hands smell like bleach. I call my ace in the hole.

"It's a beautiful day at the Red Pony and continual soiree."

"Henry"

"Walt"

"I need your help." My hand is on my hip and finds it's way to the back of my neck.

"What is the matter?"

"I ah need some food." I feel the heat rise from my neck

"You need some food?" He says kinda slow

"Yeah, something for a dinner but outside." It's getting hotter.

"A picnic perhaps?"

"No, not like that." I can feel a little sick.

"You want food for outside dining but it is not a picnic."

I'm definitely sweating.

"I" my throat is getting tighter, "I um", if my throat closes I will die. "I" clearing my throat now searching for air. "Sorry, I um"

"Walter, you have not been this nervous since junior high school when you discovered that girls actually like you."

I blurt it out, "Vic and I are going on a date tonight and I wanted to do something different, and I need your help."

"How much time do I have?" No questions. No judgment.

"I pick her up at 1800"

"1800? Could you have called me earlier?"

"Yup. If I knew what I was doing."

There's silence on the phone and then an eruption of laughter. "Walt, I am sorry. I am not laughing at you but I am laughing at you because you are so...well...so."

"Yeah, I know. Pathetic."

"Walter, I will see you at 1730."

"Thanks, Henry"

"You are welcome my friend."

"Hey Henry, one more thing, ah, can I borrow your laptop?"

"Ok" I can hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Don't worry I won't break it."

"I am worried but not about the laptop."

"Thanks." It's confirmed. I'm a dork.

Sorting through the white plastic storage box of movies, I find what I am looking for. First part of the plan, done.

I rummage through the shed, it was cleaner than my house, I find Fresnel glass, a cardboard box, duct tape and a styrene sheet. I fabricate what I need in about 10 minutes. Second part of the plan, done.

Grabbing a fresh and clean plaid blanket, jackets, two pillows, and dishes I think how this is not a plan but possibly a suicide mission. I'm risking it all right here. I throw everything next to the cardboard box on the porch. Third part of the plan, done.

I shower and shave, throw on a pair of old jeans and my favorite faded Broncos t-shirt and head for Henry's.

He has the food packed in a large paper bag with carry handles, as he hands me his laptop and charger, he probes, "I trust you know what you are doing."

I look at my best friend and say with full confidence, "Nope, none whatsoever." I decide to tell the truth.

"That is what I thought."

"Walter, just be yourself."

"Ha, I thought you were my friend."

"I am most certainly that. If I like you what makes me think the rest of the world will not share the same opinion?"

Of course, he has a way of putting things into perspective, his words lingers for a moment. I manage a nearly inaudible but most sincere, "Thanks."

I speed to town to pick-up Vic. She is dressed and ready. "It smells good in here. Is that dinner?"

"Yup."

It's quiet all the way to my cabin.

"Ok, you can't be cooking dinner because it's in those bags so why are we back at your place, Walt?"?

"We are having dinner here.

"We are?"

"Yup"

I open Vic's door and we head toward the cabin. I divert my attention to the belongings on the porch.

"Vic, just wait right here for a moment."

I fold the blanket, pillows and jackets in my arms and lead Vic to the pathway leading to the side of the cabin.

"Walt, what in the world"

"I figure spending some time together without too many distractions is the best way for us to relax into each other."

I unfold the blanket and offer her a seat. Still unsure, she takes it, but I set down the bag of wonderfully smelling dinner next to her. Making quick work of the dinner dishes and securing the styrene board to the side of the cabin I set up the laptop and put the DVD on.

Mother Nature is on my side, the sun is nearly set, and the coolness of the evening has kicked in and I hand Vic one of my old jackets in case she is cold. I light the Coleman kerosene lantern and the warm glow emulates candlelight.

"Walt?"

"Yup"

"What are you doing?"

"Watch"

I start the DVD, turn the laptop upside down and lay it on top of the box.

"Wow, how did you do that?" Vic marvels at my makeshift projector.

"I'm good with my hands."

The movie begins to flicker on the styrene cut out, "I will be the judge of that." My entire body flushes

"Whoa, this is my favorite fuckin' movie, how did you know?"

"It sums up who you are; Invincible."


	17. Date Night - Chapter 2

About an hour or so into the movie, it starts getting a little cold and Vic inches closer to me but doesn't come close enough for me to put my arm around her. I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around my legs. I feel a little sheepish, recounting my first kiss under a tree with Amy Sue Harris. My stomach is fluttering just as it did then despite the lifetime that has passed since then.

Not wanting to disrupt the movie, I don't ask if she's cold, instead I encourage myself to stop acting scared and start acting like myself. I know what I want otherwise we wouldn't be here and putting my arm around her doesn't mean she will wake up in my bed in the morning. I unfold my legs lengthening my body and press up on my palms closing the small distance between us.

Looking down past my shoulder, I lift my arm and lower my voice, "You cold?" My arm gently presses her into me and I lean down to smell her lavender scent shampoo. Vic smells so good, she feels good in my arms, she fits well, too.

"A little"

"I can keep you warm."

Vic wraps her arm around my waist, under my jacket, and while she is cold, I can feel heat from her body. I think it is my imagination but I know it's not there is no doubt about our attraction to each other. It's been a slow burn for several years between us and we are at the point where we will either build a bon fire or we will go out and I don't want us to be extinguished.

I've just had a lot of shit in my life and I don't want it to get on her. I don't want to set up for to fail before we ever really get started. Vic folds her head into my shoulder and my leg relaxes against hers. As the ending credits begin to roll and update us about Vince and his family, I succumb to my natural instincts and desires. My fingers lightly stroke her hair and my lips just brush against the soft skin next to her temple.

"I don't know if I thanked you for this morning."

"Um, you probably did."

Pressing my lips soothingly next to her skin, "Good, I would hate to think I was rude."

"No, anything but," Her words sing song into the cool night air.

"Besides, you are thanking me now. This is nice, Walt. It's so relaxing."

"Yup."

We stay cuddled for a few minutes and Vic moves her hand to my knee and rests there.

"Do you have any regrets?"

"About what?"

"About staying in Wyoming."

She pauses, flipping through the note cards of thoughts, "Sometimes"

"Can you tell me what they are?"

"Yes."

I wait.

"Are you messing with me."

"A little. I am just thinking before I speak. I have a good friend who does the same thing."

I smile.

"The only time I regret staying is when I want you the most."

"I'm not sure I was expecting that."

"It's really what propelled me to take care of myself and not wait for you. It's probably the healthiest decision I have ever made for myself, Walt. I put me first and it was, it is, the right decision for me."

We sit in silence for just a few moments.

"Really, it is probably why I was tough on you today because I want to move forward but I also want to respect where you are emotionally. " She looks up into my eyes. "I don't want to push you but I don't want you standing still either and I think we have achieved that this evening. This is nice."

"It is, that."

"What about you? Do you have any regrets about me staying in Wyoming?"

"Not anymore."

Her eyes seek the truth in the lamplight.

"What?"

"Lots of nights I sat in my office thinking that I was holding you back from living your life. I may be Sheriff but I'm still a citizen of Durant and I know you are a very eligible woman. On those same nights, I would sometimes hope you were out on a date with someone else and it's not because I wasn't a little jealous when I thought about because I was but it was more like I wanted you to live your life and be happy. I…ah…I'm very much aware of my methodical nature…Vic..and uh while that may be good for some things…it ah..it ah ..can be a devastatingly detrimental for other things."

Sitting here with her, like this, is everything I imagined it would be.

"Are you glad you stayed?"

"At this very moment, yes, I am."

"I hope I can repeat these moments enough for you to never have any more regrets for staying here."

I feel her hand clutching my shirt first, then her body pressing against me, and her lips hover over mine. She waits for my permission. My free hand holds her face. I want her to know I am sure by refusing to avert my eyes. My thumb brushes her cheekbone. My eyes close as our lips touch. I feel her lips part just a bit unsure of my expectations. She isn't aggressive and allows me to assume my roll. To lead us where I want us to go but with her being my equal partner on the journey.

I part my mouth inviting her to join me and she does as our tongues explore the desires of each other. The heat we are generating expels the coldness of the night air. Kissing her is both exciting and relaxing at the same time. The dichotomy of my feelings is not lost on me. "Vic, I don't want to give you any more regrets."

I pull her closer to me, my hands slide up and down her arms partly warming her and partly not to let her go. "Do you wanna go inside? I can build a fire for us."

She looks at me, "That would be nice." I stand and keep her hand in mine helping her to her feet. I grab the laptop.

"Will you take this inside for me while I police the food. We don't want any bears visiting us."

Vic takes the laptop, blanket and pillows into the cabin and I clean up our dinner locking the trash away. I'm glad I cleaned the cabin so I won't be too embarrassed.

Once inside I scrub my hands clean.

"Vic, I could ah make some coffee or would you like a beer or something else?"

"I think coffee. You'll be driving tonight and we shouldn't risk it."

It's her way of letting me off the hook of expectations and I appreciate her for it. I build the fire while the water boils for the coffee.

"Walt, what do you do out here all by yourself."

"I read a lot."

"What do you read?"

"A little of everything."

"If I wasn't here what would you be reading?"

"That book right there on the end table."

She picks up the paperback copy of, _The Human Stain_, and flips to the rear jacket reading the synopsis.

"Why this novel?"

"I made a list of the 21 novels of the 21st century I want to read and that's number one if for no other reason it was published in 2000."

"She smiles"

"You were expecting something more exciting."

I catch myself standing by the fire with my hands on my hips. My thinking pose. The coffee should be finished steeping by now and while I pour our coffee she walks up closer into the kitchen.

"No, Walt, that was pretty exciting." Her voice is close, "Its also pretty fuckin' sexy in an intellectual meets man's man sort of way."

She places her hand in the small of my back as I pour the cream and sugar into her cup of coffee.

"I think I finally figured out the secret to your appeal."

She stands closer, barely grazing my arm, "You are truly a renaissance man. You have that very rare combination of quiet strength, and you let me see the soft vulnerability that you hold so tight. When you do that, you make me feel special, Walt, like its just for me."

Looking at her from the corner of my eye, my head down staring at the coffee cups, my hair down just a bit in my eyes, I bend and brush my lips on hers once more and kiss her affirming she knows my deepest secret. The secret that I keep my fears and insecurities locked up tight and constantly cover them with assuredness and strength but I pull the curtain back just a bit to let her in. It is true and the fact that she knows it and gets it but doesn't take advantage of it just sends me deeper. Deeper in love.


	18. Good Reads

She holds her coffee to her lips blowing the hot steam away before taking a slow tasteful sip. Her eyes look up, her head still bent down over the coffee, "Will you read to me?"

Pondering her seriousness, I consider it, "ok."

I take my place on the couch under the best light, set my coffee down in my usual spot, and Vic sits on the couch next to me with her leg drawn beneath her still holding her cup of coffee.

"You sure you don't want to just borrow the book?"

"Maybe but I want to see what you do when you're being yourself."

Her natural curiosity is stimulating and voyeuristic at the same time. It is an odd combination of purity and deviance, which I find extremely stimulating, as I begin reading the first chapter. About five pages in, Vic puts her cup down on the table, and lies down on the couch with her head in my lap. I shift the book to my left and rest it on the side arm of the davenport. Finishing the chapter, I look down and Vic's eyes are closed, so I close the book contemplating how long I should stay in this position before waking her.

"Thank you for that, Walt."

"I thought I bored you to sleep."

"No, I was just relaxing listening to you plus I figured it would creep you out if I stared at you while you were reading. Although, I must admit the view is different from this position."

"I bet"

"You look more intense"

"That's not good, right?"

"All depends on how you look at it."

"Nice play on words."

"Thank you" she smiles and it is legitimate.

I would never say it but I think how a night like this would have been impossible with Lizzie. She didn't have any interest in just being. We never had much to talk about, nothing of substance anyway, and I always knew it would never lead to love even if that was what I was trying for. That and to forget.

"Is my head getting to heavy?"

"Ah, no not at all."

"Oh, I could feel your leg getting all tense."

"Sorry about that. You're fine."

This connectedness we have is uncanny and surreal.

"So do you think he should have been impeached?"

Vic refers back to the novel and we talk for hours about the chapter, the historical implications and the reverberating affects on present day politics. During the discussion, we claim and possess different pieces of furniture moving around each other in small circles. Like long lost friends speaking again after decades of silence. In many ways, this is my first conversation in nearly five years. The five years since Martha left me.

The familiarity I have with Vic breaks through all of my veneer and before I realize what has happened I have let her in once again. Into the deepest part of me, the one no one sees where my hopes and dreams take root. Where my fears fester and pound on my consciousness. She freely roams inside as if she has a lifelong lease on her second home.

"Is that the time? Fuck it's late."

I look over at the am/fm radio LED on my desk. The clock reads 0137. It's officially tomorrow.

"I better get you home." I stand and offer, "You can always stay here, Vic." The offer is out before I talk myself out of it and I quickly admit that I don't want to talk myself out of it. I haven't talked this much in years and I am actually enjoying myself. It is a feeling that I welcome back into my life, into my heart.

She looks at me and instead of a quick sharp retort her voice comes out slowly, "I would like that."

I don't want it to get weird because well it can get weird. "Let me see what I have you can sleep in."

"I'll just take the top if you want the bottoms."

"I don't wear pajamas." I turn to see Vic paralyzed in her tracks and about the deepest shade of crimson I've ever seen.

"Did you say that for affect or did you mean it?"

"No, really, I don't wear them. I get hot and I don't know now you think I'm weird don't you?"

"No…no…not at all..I just ..ah I just."

Now I'm embarrassed and it's officially weird.

"I just imagined you know…you were a blue windowpane pattern kinda pajama guy."

"No just a boxers kinda guy when I have anything on in bed."

"Ok, now I'm beginning to understand the mall morning even more." She shakes her head recounting our very eventful and difficult morning together.

I hand her one of my softest most worn USC t-shirts.

"This should be ok. It's the softest one I have and it will drown you so you shouldn't feel all exposed or anything."

She takes it, still embarrassed at whatever she is thinking, "Thank you."

"Vic, I can sleep on the couch."

"Please, don't because that would embarrass me to no end."

"Good, because I think it would be nice to sleep next to you." She smiles back as she holds her head down simultaneously pulling her hair back behind her ear.

The weirdness has passed and Vic heads to the bathroom to change into my tee while I strip, leaving on my boxers, waiting for her to emerge. I pull down the blanket and get an extra pillow from the pantry.

Vic takes in my body. "See it's like bottoms but just shorter."

"Yup"

"Are these the sheets from this morning?"

"Yeah, I washed them up figuring I would start getting used to the idea of them. "

"Is it going to be too hard for you, Walt? I mean too hard for me to be in this bed with you?"

"No."

I'm not sure I'm telling the whole truth but I know I want her by my side tonight or this morning rather.

"I can take the side by the door if you want the side by the window?"

"ok" She reticently gets into the bed and as she spreads her body onto the mattress I double check my internal systems. I'm ok. I'm going to make it. The world isn't going to end because another woman, because Vic, is in my bed. I want her here. I need her here.

"Vic, I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too."

I turn out the lights and we fall asleep next to each other like two long lost castaways who have finally found a home.


	19. Good Reads - Chapter 2

"You realize this is my second sleep over that hasn't ended with us having amazingly glorious sex."

"Are you disappointed?"

"Surprisingly, no. I'm not disappointed but I am very surprised at me mostly. You know it's not like I have made a habit of sleeping with men and actually sleeping."

My fingers fall to my chest like they do when I am thinking in bed.

"Have you had many sleepless nights? You know, with other men?"

"Are you asking me how many men I've slept with, Walt?"

I stay on my back although I want to turn and face her. It's not judgment it's curiosity I suppose and its posturing even if against the imaginary competitors of her affection.

"Not as many as you would think, Walt. I am the first to admit I've made bad choices but I never slept around."

"Were you safe?"

"Yes" she waits a beat, "Were you?"

"Yes."

She turns to her side facing me and props her head on her elbow.

Still on my back my eyes meet hers and she offers, "I'm a bit surprised by that. I'm assuming you're talking about Lizzie or is there more I should know?"

Shaking my head no I explain, "It was only once and it was at her place."

"The election party, right?."

I turn my head and look at her full on wondering how she knew.

"You weren't at work the next morning and no one had seen you. I figured you spent the night with her and when Ruby said you didn't vote until lunch I knew for sure that's what happened."

"She had condoms at her place and I wore them. Well I guess technically it was twice, once that night and once that morning, that's why I was late."

"I was jealous."

"You were?"

"Yeah, I was and it made me frustrated because I couldn't figure out why I was jealous. I put it in the context of having a partner on the street. I would never get jealous if they were sleeping with someone and besides I was married. I decided to be happy for you even though it was in direct opposition of how I really felt."

"How do you feel about it now?"

"I'm fine. You two are fine. You are resolved and as long as we know we are making progress there's nothing for me to be jealous about."

"There never was"

"You don't know that"

"I do"

"You can't say that, Walt. Hell, we've never had sex and you can talk all the shit you want to but it's human nature to compare."

"I won't compare myself to Sean."

She scoffs, "Sure you won't"

"Look at it from my point of view. Your marriage was held together by sex. That's a tough act to follow."

"Is that what's holding us back?"

"I don't think so"

"Is it because I'm here?"

"No, absolutely not."

"It's like I said before that once we make love we won't be able to turn back and I know what it will mean for me, Vic."

"Is that all?"

"I don't want to be another mistake for you."

Her hand lands on top of mine and she stops my fingers from stroking my chest as I think. I clasp her fingers with my thumb, "You're not a mistake, Walt. You are probably the best decision I have ever made. I'm sure about what I feel, about what you feel, about where we are."

I sigh, running my other hand through my hair, as I contemplate her words.

"You need to stop thinking and start living."

"I'm making pretty good progress." I sneak a look out of the corner of my eyes, "After all you are here and next to me."

"Hey, didn't you have pajamas the last time I was here?"

"Yeah, I did"

"So how come the I don't wear pajamas bit."

"Because I don't and I haven't for years. I started wearing them when Martha got sick. I spent my nights with her when she was in the hospital and I wore them. Then when she came home I was up getting her medicine or holding her head when she was sick and I just kept wearing them."

"Walt, why didn't you tell me that last time."

"I couldn't really process it and when we made it through the night and I didn't have some sort of emotional breakdown I knew I was where I needed to be. I can't really explain it but I'm past my life with her and I'm ready for one with you."

Silence

"I will always love her and the best way for me to love her is to love myself and live a life full of love and I very much want you to be a part of that, Vic."

"You may not say much but when you do you sure make it count."

I smile this time, "It's from all that thinking."

Vic smiles back, "What time is it?"

I keep her hand on my chest and bend my arm backwards taking my watch off of the nightstand.

"Gheez, it's a little after two-thirty."

"Are you sleepy?"

"Not really. Aren't you?"

"No"

"Let's go for a ride"

She studies me and I look at her, holding her hand to my chest, "ok"

We both dress quickly and in silence. Once in the Bullet I head out towards Custer's Flat.

Half way there I take her hand and hold it in my lap pressing it into my stomach. I'm holding onto her in more ways than one. We hit the flat and it's black as coal just the stars littering the open Wyoming sky like small speckled dots of various sizes light the way to our future together.

I stop and get out, drop the tailgate and pull out the freshly laundered colored blankets. I open her door, "Come sit with me."

Vic lowers onto the blankets and I sit beside her with my legs folded up. Much like we were earlier during dinner but I don't stay that way instead I stretch out on my back with my arm extended giving her a silent invitation to lie beside me, next to me, touching me. Vic looks over and folds herself into my body.

"Walt this is so beautiful. It's cold out here but it is fucking unbelievably beautiful"

"Almost as beautiful as you are."

She smiles, a smile I can barely see in the blackness of the night, but I feel it there. My hand finds it way to her face and I hold it, lean over and kiss her. Vic isn't forceful and neither am I but our kiss moves from exploratory to passion filled. My hand slowly moves down her body and I feel her fingers press into my back pulling me closer to her.

My weight shifts and my leg splits hers but I pull it closer moving my hips towards hers. Vic's groans spur my own. I feel her hand on the soft skin above my belt. Her hand is seeping warmth and desire as she moves around my body for the first time. Her finger tips lead the way. She is slow and methodical like she has been dreaming of this moment and now that the moment is here she doesn't want to rush.

"Walt, I…." I interrupt her.

"It's ok."

I lift my head thinking she can't really see my expression, "It's ok. You can touch me. Don't be afraid anymore."

Leaning up I escape out of my jacket and pull off my shirt; the frigid air snaps me to attention and I feel Vic's hands on my chest gliding side by side slowly making their way down my stomach and back over my shoulders, my back, my neck exploring everywhere she has imagined. Her hands are smooth which tells me she works hard at keeping them that way. Just one more thing I learn about her that I adore.

"Does all my hair freak you out?"

"No…no…just the opposite really."

I hold her hand as we kiss once more pressing her close to me as her other hand wraps around my back.

"I'm glad your back isn't hairy though."

"Ha, me too. It would be tough to shave the back of my neck."

"You shave your chest?"

"Just enough so the hair doesn't come over my collar. Even I think that's gross, Vic."

We laugh and our voices in the dead of night in the dead cold travel across the plain like the speed of sound should.

I can hear a slight growl in her voice, "I think you are so sexy and it's mainly because you cannot fathom just how sexy you really are."

My hand rests on her stomach and my cheek presses next to hers as I softly extend the invitation, "You can touch me wherever you want, you know."

I feel the heat rise from her just a bit on my face, "I want to, and I will, but I want to see it when I do."

"Let's get outta here."

I pull on my shirt and jacket.

"What?"

"I gotta nice bed, new sheets my girl picked out and I paid the electric bill."

I'm pretty sure our laughter reached the heavens. I hope it did because I am assured that is where our love comes from.


	20. Good Reads - Chapter 3

**A/N: Not sure how to rate this one but on the mature side of things.**

* * *

><p>The drive back to my cabin felt like a million miles because of all the anticipation I had worked up in my head along with the expectations I built lying under the blanket of stars. Easing my foot off of the accelerator preparing for the exit on the highway I look over at Vic and her head is resting against the door beam. Her eyes are closed and I actually feel a sense of relief. I slow to a roll in front of the cabin and turn the engine off. Making my way to the passenger side of the Bronco, for a moment, I contemplate leaving her in the truck so she can sleep but I think the better of it, open her door, and she stirs.<p>

"We're back home."

"I'm sorry, Walt."

"Don't be." My voice is warm. I move her hair from her shoulder and without really thinking about it scoop her into my arms. I wait for the backlash of feminism to rise up but it doesn't and Vic lays her head into the crook of my neck right on queue.

I gently put her down when we reach the front door. After opening it, I wait for her to step inside, noticing her hand brushing my side as she passes by me. The soft familiarity of her touch feels like home.

Vic walks to the bedroom and I follow behind. My voice trails off a bit, "It's late, Vic. Let's get some sleep."

She smiles, almost looking relieved, "Ok"

A quick change for her and I strip to my boxers, tuck into bed and gently kiss her goodnight. As I lay in the dark, my body relaxing, the drowsiness reigns supreme. A natural foggy haze disrupts my sleep and the vivid reproduction of my carnal subconscious almost has me convinced that I am experiencing a dreamscape.

"You said I could touch you anywhere."

I feel the hot wet dew of her breath on my neck just behind my ear. Her breasts are pressed against my back and her hand has found it's way just under the elastic of my boxers. I must be dreaming and the dream feels good.

I don't normally talk in my dreams, which is of no surprise, but I decide the comment warrants a response, "I meant it when I said it."

"Ah, but do you mean it now, señor?"

I shake my head in the affirmative wondering why Vic is speaking Spanish and slowly exhale, "Yes."

Her hand gradually snakes around my hip, still under the elastic band, and her kisses begin to fill my neck and back. My body isn't reacting like it's a dream and my conscious mind slowly rouses to realize Vic is in my bed and I take note of where my hands are which for the sake of my sanity are not under the elastic of my boxers. The touch I feel is magnificently glorious in its trepidation and desire. She's not quite there, yet and I relish the shyness about her. The shyness she covers up with bravado but allows me to see it and stay in it.

I can feel the shift in her confidence, "I have dreamed about how you would feel for so long."

"I want to feel you all over my body, Vic." The words seep out. "It's yours, nobody else's."

"How can you be so sure?" The fear is evident in her voice.

I turn to face her as her hand shifts to the hollow of my lower back. She seems so tiny as I wrap my arm around her caressing her side and back.

"I'm sure because I'm sure that I am in love with you." She soaks in the words. "I have been for a long time. You are my clear and conscious choice. Only, you."

She doesn't say the words back instead her eyes close as her lips press against mine. Her kiss is sensual and slow as she finds her confidence again. A lioness and her mate. The soft light from the sun rising is peeking through the bedroom window shades. Vic slides my boxers down and the smile she cannot suppress shows me she is not disappointed in her discovery. Our bodies become tangled, sweaty and twisted. Vic's touch is more than I have the capacity to imagine and I cannot suppress the guttural reaction to feeling her fingers wrapped around me.

"It's ok, Walt."

My breath is short and I hear it getting louder.

She says it in my ear, "It's ok, baby. I want you to last when you're inside of me the first time. So let it go." And I do and I'm not embarrassed and it doesn't feel weird like I've done something wrong. It's the opposite. She feels so right.

She kisses me when its over. It's deep and its long. Then it becomes deeper and longer. It's not going to end here as we become entangled again.

Vic stops me by holding my head in both of her hands. She is illuminated by the bright kisses of the sun.

"I can really see you for the first time."

My smile is genuine. My love is genuine.

"Walt, I'm so fucking in love with you that it physically hurts."

"Let me take the pain away." And I do and it is more than I can ever tell you because I still can't comprehend it myself.

Afterward when we have collapsed from exhaustion she whispers, "I'm glad we got these sheets."

"Me, too." Referring to the frequency we plan to use them, "they won't fade when I wash 'em."


End file.
